In today's fast-paced world, where stress, anxiety, and physical ailments have become the norm, it's essential to prioritise our well-being. No doubt you will have seen numerous blogs, social media posts and books on this subject already all with slightly different suggestions on how to prevent burn-out or alleviate the symptoms of stress or anxiety. All of these approaches are helpful but as with anything, you need to find what works best for you.
A few years ago, I had a huge breakdown. Looking back, this had been coming for a while, I'd had a few minor periods of burn-out, a few days or a week off and then I was back on it at full pelt. This final breakdown felt different. I was off work for a month and I just knew that the type of work I was doing, the lifestyle I was living was no longer sustainable for me. In short, I was bloody miserable!
So why am I telling you all this? Well, it was around this time that I started to see a integrated therapist who worked with me using a combination of talking therapy, hypnotherapy and mind-body therapy. It changed my life! You see, I had seen a couple of therapists before and they were lovely and they did help but I still had the anxiety come back time and again. No matter how much I understood rationally that there was no need for the anxiety because I wasn't truly in a fight or flight situation, I couldn't switch it off. I started to believe that there was something wrong with me, that I needed to accept that I was an anxious person and live with it. Mind-Body therapy helped me to not only understand how my mind and body react to stress, danger etc. but also how to listen to my body when sensing discomfort, or any strong emotion.
In Western culture, particularly, we have been taught to use our rational or logical brain for almost everything. Got a big decision to make? Weigh up the pros and cons. Feeling anxious? Let's go through the worst case scenarios to determine how likely your worries are to happen. None of this is wrong, and can help but we are ignoring our emotions with the belief that our thoughts are more important. The excellent Bessell Van der Kolk sums this up perfectly in his highly recommended book 'The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, brain and body in the transformation of trauma'¹:
"Psychologists usually try to help people use insight and understanding to manage their behavior. However, neuroscience research shows that very few psychological problems are the result of defects in understanding; most originate in pressures from deeper regions in the brain that drive our perception and attention. When the alarm bell of the emotional brain keeps signaling that you are in danger, no amount of insight will silence it." (p.75).
So, why is this? Why can we not reason with our emotional brain to reduce anxiety when intellectually we know we are not in physical danger and quite frankly, it doesn't feel like it's helping?
A psychologist and neuroscientist called Stephen Porges introduced us to polyvagal theory in the early 90s². The vagus nerve starts at the base of your skull connecting the brain with our body including motor functions which moves our muscles and sensory functions which processes smell, taste, sight and sound. It is also responsible for many of our internal organs functioning including unconscious actions such as breathing, digestion, sneezing etc. It is a key part of our automatic nervous system (ANS).
The ANS can be split into two main structures: the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS).
The SNS is associated with the body's "fight-or-flight" response, which is activated in situations perceived as dangerous, threatening or even when we are presenting in front of a large audience. It prepares the body for action by increasing heart rate, respiration, and blood pressure. This response is mediated by the release of stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol.
On the other hand, the PNS has two components: the ventral vagal complex (VVC) and the dorsal vagal complex (DVC). The VVC is responsible for promoting a sense of safety and when in this state we find ourselves feeling grounded, clear headed and calm. It helps regulate heart rate, breathing, and facial expressions associated with social interaction and communication. On the flip side, the DVC is the least evolved of all the systems and responds to a perceived threat via numbness, dissociation and shutting-down, also known as the 'Freeze' response.
Obviously, the ANS is crucial for our survival and is the reason why we as humans have survived and evolved into who we are today. However, the DVC is very primitive and is focused purely on our emotions and responding to them. This is why reasoning and logic will not help much when trying to reduce anxiety, you're not speaking the right language!
I'm a great believer in the self-healing capacity within humans. Our mind and our bodies are incredible and there is still so much we are learning. With the right support and environment, we are able to regulate our emotions so that our response to a given situation is appropriate meaning that we can live our lives more fully.
So how do we do this? As I said at the start, what works for me may not work for you but there are a number of different ways to connect your emotional and rational brains. Try some of these out and see which works best for you:
1. Breathwork: How we breathe really does affect how we feel. When we breathe in we are activating the SNS, getting us ready for action and when we breathe out we are activating the PNS which then relaxes us. You'll notice that when anxious your breathing will be shallow and rapid. This is your body getting ready for fight or flight and will not be helping you to calm down. It is why almost every book or blog on anxiety talks about the importance of breathwork. There are many different techniques out there but I tend to use the 4-8-12 technique. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 8 seconds and breathe out slowly for 12 seconds. The exhale is deliberately longer to let out PNS know that the threat is over and you can relax. While doing this, focus on the breath and the feelings in your body. You may find your mind wondering or focusing on thoughts but if you catch yourself doing this, just gently bring yourself back to your breathing and bodily sensations. I'd do this for a few minutes but up to 10 minutes if you have the time. As with most things, practicing this technique perhaps for a few minutes before bed or in the morning will help to ground you but also to access the technique more easily when you feel anxious.
2. Mindful Awareness: How often are you actually living in the present moment? How often do you find yourself thinking about the past or worrying about the future? Being able to stay in the present is not easy and takes a lot of practice. In fact, this is something I'm still learning to do myself! However, finding moments throughout the day where you are fully present in everything you are experiencing is important in stopping the internal chatter. When you go for a walk, try and stay in the moment. What do you see around you? What do you hear and smell? When was the last time that you sat down for a meal and really experienced the flavours and just the process of eating without distraction? Practicing staying present is an important part of us not allowing our thoughts on the past or future to control us.
3. Guided imagery: This can also be called a guided meditation or self-hypnosis and involves visualising a peaceful place (real or imagined) to bring about a sense of calm and well-being. Whatever this 'peaceful' place, it is unique to you, some find a calm beach relaxing and some a quiet meadow. Wherever this is for you, imagine yourself there where you are safe and you can always go when you need some time to yourself.
4. Accessing your 'Felt Sense': This is something that has helped me hugely. It is our body's sense of a particular problem or situation. This is not just acknowledging your emotions or feelings, it's noticing the sensations in your body when certain emotions are triggered which in turn can lessen the intensity of these feelings and begin the process of your nervous system adapting the neural connections associated with the problem or memory*. When you clear a space for yourself and go within your body to get a sense of the issue, what do you feel in your body? Where do you feel it? This can take some time and practice as accessing the felt sense is not communicated in words and is not an internal conversation with yourself. It is a process of allowing your rational mind to relax enough to be able to get a true sense of what your body is trying to communicate with you. I highly recommend the book by Eugene T. Gendlin³ if you'd like to know more about this. It's something I have used a lot both with myself and my clients.
* This process is called neuroplasticity, our nervous systems ability to create new or adapt existing neurons to the brain. Until the 1960s, there was a belief that once you reached adulthood your brain was fully developed and no additional changes took place. In fact, our brains have the ability to change and adapt based on our experiences. New skills, memories and environments mean that our brain can create new neural connections, repetition of certain skills and behaviours can strengthen them and those that are no longer used can weaken and be discarded.
References
¹ Van der Kolk, B. A. (2015) The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, brain and body in the transformation of trauma. London: Penguin.
² Porges, S. W. (2017) The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.
³ Gendlin, E. T. (2003) Focusing: How to Gain Direct Access to Your Body's Knowledge. Rev. and updated 25th anniversary edn. London: Rider.